Awesomeness is free of charge

I read an interesting article from Psychology Today, and this is the article.

While the main issue was about how awesomeness helps in creativity, social connectedness, and even spirituality, I got a different take out of the article. The first ‘data’ I got was the two core features of ‘awe’:

The first is perceived vastness, or the sense of something much larger than the self, in size or power or prestige. The second is the need for accommodation, the disorienting feeling of encountering something that challenges your current “knowledge structures” or world view.

I like the fact that being in awe of something or someone or a situation challenges your “knowledge structures”, and I do realize that it is difficult, if not impossible, for any man (in his own human capacity) to awe-strike (is there such a word?) another person.

Honestly, this fact humbles me a great deal. I believe in God and I believe God can use us (with our permission) to express Himself awesomely to others. Also, on another note, someone who is awestruck by a person, may indicate that the awestruck person lives in his own world (and therefore not able to realize possibilities, or has created an image of impossibility that is being matched on the surface level prior to being awestruck).

Can’t say I know everything. But I like tools that allow me to be humble.

Lesson learned

Today is the final day of my time of reservist.

We had a national education talk, walk, and exhibition to check out. But how do you teach a group who is eager to go home? You don’t. You just offer the information and hope that some get interested and are engaged, and influence others.

I got to talk to some of the guys and got more feedback.

Bottom line: The main person who irritates you or just pisses you off, is the person who brings the real lessons to you (of course, the responsibility of learning is yours to take).

Reflections after being served by the serving of the nation

I am almost done for my, what is called, service to the nation. In this two and half weeks, I learned plenty.

First, bad attitude gets you nowhere except places you don’t want to be. Let me elaborate. This is my third time in 3 years that I am serving the nation, what we call, reservist. I served my first reservist with gusto and positive attitude, taking everything that came my way as a learning adventure, to see and allow situations to unfold, as well as people to present themselves. I also took this time to make mistakes as I mingle with the people in the same shoes as myself, and learned a lot.

On this third reservist, I had a drastically attitude. I wanted to get out and be with my wife, I did not want to waste time that I had. The military, being the huge juggernaut that it is, tends to be inefficient due to red tape and old traditions, gave me buckets of frustrations and pleas. These were further ‘encouraged’ by the typical response of my fellow people in the same cohort. This has influenced me to rebellious and unruly to some of my friends in the cohort. And I may have damaged the relationships that I took time to build in the past 2 times, which leads to my second learning point:

Second, when you are drowned in a sea of emotions, it is difficult to tell which way is up and which emotion is yours. There was so much I was feeling, but I did not take the time to sort them, rather I chose (quite unconsciously) to ‘flow’ with the emotions, and allow the more destructive emotions to gear myself up towards destructive behaviours… as I said, I had already damaged some relationships, now, my mouth was spewing forms of vulgarities that I hadn’t used in 10 years.

Also, I even indulged in past vices that I had chose to stop a while back. I became more inconsistent in what I said, thus not being able to be “a man of my word”.

Third, every situation that is presented to your life, be it difficult, boring, or fun, there is always a learning component, and reflection is important to surface these life skills out. I met one of the other people with me, and I remember shirking from this guy (Let’s call him Mr A) from the first time I met him, because his attitude was so negative. But this third time, he changed his attitude, he even prepared himself as best as he could for this third time.

The result was, a more cohesive bunch of people we worked with, as well as a more conscientious and reliable team player from Mr A. I contrasted his attitude and mine, and realized I had fallen so far from the mark I set myself from the first reservist.

Fourth, I am definitely as horrible as I thought myself to be. This is going to sound like a condemning statement, but let me just air it first. I figure that I slip back to old habits (mainly the bad ones) and became the horrible person I once was.

It was great when one of my guys (my team) told me that he felt that I was too hard on myself, and that I had inspired him to take a different approach to this whole reservist thing. I felt good that he gave me something to think about and to reflect upon.

So up till now, I know I did many bad/wrong/not very nice things… but I’m just going to forgive myself and all the people who offended me and do a better one the next time round.

Cheers.

New life, reinforcing new ideas

It’s been a while since I wrote anything. This is due to the unintentional extended reservist training that I am compelled to comply.

Still, I did not choose to be all “complaining” and “cussing”, but decided to make it a good opportunity to hone my skills and abilities, and to learn new things.

One thing I did try was, running bare foot style, especially for my 2.4km run for physical proficiency. I haven’t been training for this type of running for about 6 months, and have been sick for the past 2 months… (the regularly extended influenza). Any case, I did the 2.4km run in about 11 minutes and 11 seconds, about 20 seconds off my previous timing (in September 2009, the previous reservist in-camp).

What I got at the end of this exercise was: bare foot running isn’t as intensive cardiovascular-ly than the normal blunt running, however, it does engage a lot of my leg muscles, from ankles up to the hip flexors. I was able to sprint better at the end of the run, I was able to feel my legs being powered by my core muscles, I was able to feel like my heart wasn’t going to burst at the last lap. It was really a good feeling I had.

Two days after the run, I seemed to have pulled my left calf muscle a bit. Oops, was this the sign that bare foot running was not right for my body? In reflection and contemplation, I realize that my ankle muscles are in generally weak, but the left ankle is especially weak. Thus the left calf muscle had been over-working, trying to compensate for the weak left ankle muscles.

So right now, I am thinking of good rehabilitative exercises for my ankles, and have found some. If you know any, let me know.

http://physicaltherapy.about.com/od/orthopedicsandpt/ss/anklerehab_3.htm
http://orthopedics.about.com/cs/sprainsstrains/a/anklesprain_3.htm

Cheers.

Outcomes of intimacy

I guess when I blog, I usually have a lot to say.

The subject of intimacy was part of some readings I had to do for my work, and since it was relevant to the previous topic on marriage, I thought it might be good to just list what I have been reading. Does the last sentence make sense? Oh dear.

Anyway,

10 Indicators of Intimacy in a Relationship

1. Continuous, honest communication and contact with one another exists even if the contact is not in person but is by phone, email, or some other form.
2. A mutual task to carry out is willingly shared, discussed, and enjoyed together.
3. An affinity or attraction to one another exists to the exclusion of others.
4. The company of one another is sought even when you both have a wide selection of other individuals from which to choose.
5. A sixth sense or other extra sensory facility develops with which you can communicate at a non-verbal level, with no need for words to clutter or detract from the communication.
6. A sense of humour or sense of play and casualness develops in which you enjoy “give and take” and are relaxed in each other’s company.
7. A protective sense of privacy and guardedness about your relationship exists; it is not subjected to public scrutiny, criticism, or judgment.
8. The relationship is a productive enterprise resulting in mutual satisfaction, reward, and reinforcement for each other.
9. The relationship has a purpose, direction, and order to it that is reasonable, realistic, and healthy for both of you.
10. A firm commitment, agreement, or contract exists with each other to be mutually supportive, understanding, and accepting of one another.

I guess, here’s a good guide for myself to see how things are moving in my marriage.

Be married

Many have said that marriage is the start of suffer-ring. For me, I have signed my death certificate. This is the deal where I have to die to my own desires and plans, so that the relationship can exist and then flourish.

Many males shudder at the thought of marriage, thinking that this is the end of the road of freedom. While I agree that it is the end of galavanting, however, it is not the end of freedom. It is, for me, the beginning of freedom. Many will probably snicker at me for saying this, after all, it is only my first months in marriage. We’ll see, won’t we?

What has been helpful for me to think about, though, has been the mystery of two becoming one, and this poem does give it light-hearted romantic take on it:

Give each other room to grow,
yet find a place to share.
Always let each other know,
how tenderly you care…
Learn to fill each other’s lives
with laughter, warmth, and fun,
and you will know the miracle
of two becoming one.

This poem, I dedicate to my one woman, my wife.

Honest reflection

It took a while, but my friend has come a long way. Studied and trained as an engineer, I had breakfast with him and his wife, and I asked him a question which I have asked before.

“What would you like to have done, if you could do it all over again?”

He said, “I would love to have gone to dance school and taken up all sorts and forms of dance.”

This was the first time he was able to clearly articulate what he dreamed of. I’m happy for him. Now I hope he makes plans to get that going.

Leadership: Influence… how? Part 2.5

People who cannot pull back their egos, thus allowing them to run amok, create a unpleasant taste for relationships. Leaders embody the trait that allow others to want to build a relationship with them, because they have consistently been about others, not themselves.

This trait of being selflessness is not about putting yourself down, but appropriately learning to understand others, while noting your own strengths. It is not about your own agenda, but how everyone’s agenda can be connected for the good of the team/group.

This trait does cross links with humility… so read there too.

Thus, ends my thoughts on leadership… at least for a time.

Leadership and the ego

I still have to write the part 5. of the continuing past posts… but have not had the time to do so. However, while reading another blog, I chanced upon something that helped me articulate the common mistakes of people looking for a leader.

Some of us have time and again mistaken egotism for leadership. I’ve learned the hard way, and to watch and observe. Cavman observes that certain traits will tell you when ego is at work. Here’s the list:

• Live Flamboyantly- drawn to lavishness in things and people.
• Inflate Vision- consistently over-promise and under-deliver.
• Act Invincible- winning is more important than what is prudent and wise.
• Ignore Critics- discredit or ignore those with different ideas, or who offer constructive criticism.
• Crave Adrenaline- gain energy in flagrant risk.
• Exaggerate Actions- exhaust rather than equip their staff.
• Become Sensitive- very thin-skinned, they either attack or isolate.
• Attract Groupies- people who will not/cannot challenge them.  They feed their attention addiction.
• Demand Appreciation- like a drug addict.
• Require Empathy- without offering empathy.
• Listen Poorly- they don’t want instruction, correction or good ideas.
• Enjoy Competition- gaining attention by prevailing over others.
• Control Obsessively- uncomfortable when they are not in control.
• Ignore Boundaries- they assume they are better than others, and not subject to the same rules.

I know that I am guilty of many of these… yet, I think that my propensity to Ignore Critics have helped become a much better leader, definitely less egotistical. Also, where I live, there seems to be a trend of point #2, Inflate Vision- consistently over-promise and under-deliver, that is that many of the previous companies I had worked for, had people from the highest tier to the lowest tier who tended towards over-promising and yet under-delivering. Which led to many communication problems as well as trust issues amongst staff.

In any case, it is definitely not the thing to do.

Leadership: Influence… how? Part 4

This is part 4 of the Leadership ideas I’ve been having and have read.

A leader is easily recognized when he takes the initiative to do what is right, or to do what is acceptable yet outside of acceptable, it becomes extraordinary. Naturally, you could immediately see that trends are started by leaders, even evil trends, like ethnic cleansing and drug taking.

What it is noticeable is that leaders take the initiative. They are hardly motivated by the externals, but more so by their own internal drive. What this means is that people perceive leaders to have a drive that is not a fad, but the real thing, a real vision that will sustain him/her throughout the duration of achieving what he has set out to achieve.

The motivation cannot be external, because the team/receivers of the inspiration might begin to be skeptical and start to be killjoys. How does a leader deal with this? He either quits, which tells us his motivation is external, or he ditches the naysayers and pushes on (indicating that there is an internal drive).

When motivation is external, the leader can become complacent upon achieving certain success. So again, the track record of a real leader is something worth taking note of.

To make it practical, a real leader is someone people recognize that is trustworthy, takes the initiative to make something work, to push for changes, and is and has been relatively consistent with what he is talking and doing.