There is so many things that we have to learn to differentiate from.
Maybe, I shall make it more personal, and say that I need to learn a lot.
There is a huge difference between ‘obedience’ and ’submission’. I normally associate both together, that is, if I obey, it means that I am submissive, and vice versa. Often it has been articulated to me that you can obey unsubmissively, and disobey submissively.
So as I begin to differentiate the two, I also differentiate the beliefs that are held by the definitions of these two different words.
So he thinks that I am the cause for all his problems?? What an ungrateful wretch. Who is he listening to?
Yeah, so what if I am able to influence him to be bored of others? They are a waste of time to begin with! They want to talk and talk and complain and complain. That’s all they want to do… get to work, I tell you!
Relate to them? Accept them for who they are first? They must accept themselves first! Stupid people. Change comes when people feel accepted? Yeah, whatever.
So he wants to replace me? Who is he going to replace me with? Ha ha. I would love to see this happening. Kick me out if you can, host. You can’t! I am just too precious to you.
I help you:
You think I:
This accusations are dumb. Read them again, I can’t make you do anything! You choose what you want to do. So what if I am an influence, you can ignore me! But you are too dumb to do that.
So he thinks he can disown me? He can’t!
I am the humour of his life. I am the one that brings his humour to the table. I am the one who makes people like him. I am the one who helped him be who he is! He cannot be anyone else… he doesn’t know how to be anyone else. If he tries to kick me out, he will become broken and lost. He won’t be able to recognize himself.
I know that he will doubt all his abilities. Ha ha, let’s see how he deals with it. He says he is all about the youth. Is that really true? He is good with groups, can he maintain that for a fact? Where is God to tell him all these if they are true or not?
With me, he will be able to ignore nonsensical inputs from other people. With me, I protect him from being gullible. I show him what skepticism is, and sometimes I show him that being cynical might be the best approach with certain over-enthusiastic people. Skepticism and cynicism border on each other, it will be hard for him to differentiate anyway.
I begin to doubt his own judgment about himself and me, I think he is foolish to think of letting me go. I will stay because he knows I am good for him. Better for him than anything that has been offered to him before. How can you trust something new? I mean, he has been with me since he was young! It would be very difficult for him to trust something else that is new.
We’ll see.
I found it irritating that my host is trying to get me out. The thing is, without me, he is nothing, his identity is gone! There is no more safety. Who can he rely on? There is no one. I have been with him since he was young. Since he started reading, and since he started learning. His foundation is on me, my being, and my thoughts are very close to his.
I cannot believe he dares to do this, to expel me from him. He wants to believe in this Christian Holy Spirit thingy. What rubbish is this! He wants this Christ, to be the foundation of his life, he doesn’t want me anymore.
But I know it will be difficult for him, I will make it difficult for him. If I leave, how will he behave? How will he think? Ha ha, I believe that this will really confuse him. He will need more than his brains to get me out. I am his reality, he cannot divorce me from him.
What do I do, as Intellectual Pride? You might ask.
I protect my host from stupid questions and long meaningless conversations. Basically, when my host talks to someone, I would quickly tell him if the person is being stupid or is he just longwinded. Some times I subtley tell him that he is bored with the situation. I know that my message has got acrossed when he responds with many “I know”s, or he would look around and begin to drift in the conversation.
Sometimes, I manage to get him irritated with the other person. He might snap at the other person, but then, I know my host, he will apologize for his ‘mistake’, but actually, there is really no need to. The other person has been rattling on for such a long time. And what is worse, many times people are telling my host the same things that he already knows.
Isn’t that just irritating?
I am Intellectual Pride. I live in this body of a human, I call him my host.
Currently, I am safe in my host. He has no wish to get rid of me. Only recently has he begin to be more aware of me. A year ago, he thought that I was just a small part of his life. At this point in his life, he realizes that I am a huge part of his life. After all, this was passed on down by his father to him.
Am I evil? Obviously not! That’s why my host would not want to get rid of me. In fact, I am useful to him. Everytime someone asks an important question that requires information, I am there to help him, to raise him above the rest. I have the answers that put him in the spot light. And my host likes to be in some spot light.
Also, the benefits of having me around is that, my host will never look stupid. Since he can use me to acquire knowledge through reading of books, articles, and journals. He can use me to remember all the details of the things. He is confident that he knows the details because I am there.
I have shown him that everything that he has understood or build his understanding on, has been on me. I am the foundation of what he knows. It will definitely scare him to get rid of me. Ha ha. That’s why I say that he will not consider getting rid of me. I am good to my host.
I notice myself looking at things through a different lens, shifting from the person as an individual, to the person identified in the group that he/she belongs to.
When I see the distinction, there is a likelihood that I put my prejudices if I see them in the systems/groups that they belong to, yet it helps explain the behaviours that the person presents.
And still, the person is a unique individual, that he/she will have his/her personality, attitudes, beliefs that varies in degrees with the group of belonging. The person has his/her own personal issues, virtues, and low points, that makes him/her interesting to know and curiously magnificent.
I’ve been busy. Taking a bunch of CDs out of my huge collection. Re-listening to a lot of the CDs. I realize that a lot of the CDs that had a lot of hype and was intensely fast, are the ones that I may tend to discard now. They seem to have lost their lustre.
The interesting album that I am keeping is Eric Clapton’s There’s One In Every Crowd. Why? This album has sound almost tired and bored, but now I feel like it really is enjoyable. The album sounds so relaxed, chilled, maybe even depressing, but it could fit my mood, and I can really enjoy it. Is this the sign of age? But I still like Stevie Ray Vaughn’s Texas Flood, and I did discard, Clapton’s later releases.
Right now, I am listening to Elton John’s greatest hits, wondering if I should keep this 2 CD collection, for Daniel, Your Song, Blue Eyes, Someone Saved My Life Tonight, and my favourite Philadelphia Freedom.
Or maybe I should just rip it and send to another friend who might like to keep it. Elton John’s piano playing and arrangements of his music, makes his music quite grand, but not towards the formal. There is that connection he still has, that personal part.
Tomorrow, I have to check the banks for loans. To see if they can finance my collection of rare CD collection, that I have stored in Sweden. (It’s there, but I have to transport them here, sigh.)
I learned that it is not easy to live the good life. The good life means living the meaningful life. How does one make meaning of one’s life? This is a very difficult question.
One of the things I learned is, maturity does not come by age, but it comes by taking responsibility.
I asked myself what does that mean. To me, it means that I have to be responsible for my own life. How much I spend or save, I need to be responsible for it. Do I ask my parents for more money when I am short? Do I ask the family for help when it is a mess that I started, and am just too unmotivated to clean it up?
While it is healthy to ask for help, it is also healthy to be able to recognize when help actually impedes personal growth. What is even more important is to have people who are willing to draw the lines for you clearly, so that you can tell when personal growth is impeded.
In any case, I realize that before I get married, I have to take responsibility for my life, then I can begin to learn to take responsibility for the other person in my life.
Life is tough but it is worth living meaningfully.
