Leadership and the ego

I still have to write the part 5. of the continuing past posts… but have not had the time to do so. However, while reading another blog, I chanced upon something that helped me articulate the common mistakes of people looking for a leader.

Some of us have time and again mistaken egotism for leadership. I’ve learned the hard way, and to watch and observe. Cavman observes that certain traits will tell you when ego is at work. Here’s the list:

• Live Flamboyantly- drawn to lavishness in things and people.
• Inflate Vision- consistently over-promise and under-deliver.
• Act Invincible- winning is more important than what is prudent and wise.
• Ignore Critics- discredit or ignore those with different ideas, or who offer constructive criticism.
• Crave Adrenaline- gain energy in flagrant risk.
• Exaggerate Actions- exhaust rather than equip their staff.
• Become Sensitive- very thin-skinned, they either attack or isolate.
• Attract Groupies- people who will not/cannot challenge them.  They feed their attention addiction.
• Demand Appreciation- like a drug addict.
• Require Empathy- without offering empathy.
• Listen Poorly- they don’t want instruction, correction or good ideas.
• Enjoy Competition- gaining attention by prevailing over others.
• Control Obsessively- uncomfortable when they are not in control.
• Ignore Boundaries- they assume they are better than others, and not subject to the same rules.

I know that I am guilty of many of these… yet, I think that my propensity to Ignore Critics have helped become a much better leader, definitely less egotistical. Also, where I live, there seems to be a trend of point #2, Inflate Vision- consistently over-promise and under-deliver, that is that many of the previous companies I had worked for, had people from the highest tier to the lowest tier who tended towards over-promising and yet under-delivering. Which led to many communication problems as well as trust issues amongst staff.

In any case, it is definitely not the thing to do.

Mindfulness again

An article from Psychology Today explained what “mindfulness” is, and how it is functions, or allow us to function better in the real world.

It claims that people who are high on the mindfulness scale are “more aware of their unconscious processes” , this possibly leads to better control of their cognitive ability and thus they are able to respond proactively, rather than reactively.

My take on mindfulness is that when it is practice, it allows the practitioner to be more aware of his surroundings as well as his own actions, and thus, it allows the beginning of change to occur. Decisions can be made with the new awareness. However, the steps to which change actually occurs has not been detailed out for my own understanding… till the next time then.

Forgivenness without religion

An article in Psychology Today has shown how forgiveness can be explained and applied in a non-religious way.

Forgiving yourself means first accepting that you committed an error, but secondly, refusing to condemn yourself totally for having made it.

It is important to admit the gravity of the mistake. The error may be very bad, and admitting it to yourself is the first step toward improving the effects of the error. Forgiving yourself means accepting your human fallibility.

While this is sufficient for understanding, application is usually more difficult than understanding.

The biases we all have

I read an article that talked about how we would want to believe what we read, or do we?
Well, the conclusion of the various research done was, when given time to process the information given, we would/could, though sometimes we forget to do that, we can/cannot believe what we read.

However, when not given time to process the information, we would generally believe what is being said in accordance to our biases. I guess that is why some sales people can close a hard selling deal on certain other people.

Back to the biases that we have, these biases would tell us if we would believe:

• Correspondence bias: this is people’s assumption that others’ behaviour reflects their personality, when really it reflects the situation.
  
• Truthfulness bias: people tend to assume that others are telling the truth, even when they are lying.
• The persuasion effect: when people are distracted it increases the persuasiveness of a message.
• Denial-innuendo effect: people tend to positively believe in things that are being categorically denied.
• Hypothesis testing bias: when testing a theory, instead of trying to prove it wrong people tend to look for information that confirms it. This, of course, isn’t very effective hypothesis testing!

I guess, I tend not to buy stuff from people who try to hard sell me anything, because my bias is that I distrust people who do not give me space and time to think about what is really going on.

Learned behaviours

It is interesting to check out personality profiling tests. Recently I did a standard DISC questionaire, which was quite weird, because they wanted to set the setting of the tests as being in the work place, yet they would only give us 7 minutes to complete it. My mind does not allow such flexibility, to be in a courtyard doing this test and thinking of how I am at work.

In any case, the results came out as an improvement from my previous tests. I was a (I)nfluential, (C)onscientious, and (S)teady, while my (D)ominant has moved closer to the median line. But this is not what or who I am, it just an indication of where I am at this point.

Another interesting personality profiling test is the famed Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), you can wiki it and find more about it, but in a gist, they have:
(E)xtravert vs. (I)ntrovert – which tells us where we draw our energies from
(S)ensing vs. I(N)tuition – which tells us how we gather information.
(T)hinking vs. (F)eeling – which tells us which mode of information processing we normally use to make decisions.
(J)udgement vs. (P)erception – which tells us something how we perceive the world, do we generally need structure or can we create structure out of chaos… okay, the explanation may not be so accurate (in any case, wiki it).

So apparently, I have quite a few learned behaviours, because I know how I am, but I behave in a different manner. That is to say, that my preference (strong preference, by the way) tells me that I am a NTJ, however, I have began to learn (S)ensing and (F)eeling a lot more. Also, I realize that I am naturally not a (J)udging, I am more a (P)erception-type person. I believe it is the conditioning of society that has caused me to present more (J)udgement.

Strangely, all these personality type indicate something how we relate, learn, and behave in this world. Will blog more about these as I understand them.

Appreciating self

Stress and mental pressure, together with physical exhaustion, can yield the real person. Recently, I was put to such a test, and I gladly received this test. I saw me for real, and I’ve had some interesting observations.

When purpose is clear in my mind, my mind never falters in its cognitive and analytical abilities. I also noticed that my mind is very clear on what needs to be done, and I am always on my toes in making decisions.

On more good points, I am not afraid to voice out my opinions and thoughts. Basically, I am very very honest about how I feel and am not afraid to express them. Also, I am a natural leader, I allow others to lead when they are confident, and step up to the role when no one takes it up. I can make decisions quickly, as long as information is not muddled up because of poor communication.

I find that I am also very supportive of team mates, and do strive to not cause dissension in the ranks of other teams, but instead, work towards a greater goal. I quite like this part of myself.

So yes, I appreciate that I do have these qualities, and quite frankly, I am rather impressed with myself.

Now, here comes the punch in appreciating self. I do realize that in my most natural state, I can still be somewhat immature. I would respond to taunts and snide remarks in the same manner that it is given.

On top of that, respect seems to be an important virtue for me. If there were external forces working against the team, it would be my natural tendency to retaliate against them like they are the enemy. If they were an enemy worth respecting, then retaliation would not be a response.

Having said all these, I think it is important for me to address these ‘issues’. You might think that there is nothing wrong, but I say there is. To deal with problems, we have to look at the problem at the higher level (sometimes, seen as the root of the problem) and address it. Sinking to the level it presents itself is usually hardly useful.

I appreciate myself for who I am.

Baloney detection questions

So I got this off the skeptics website. I thought it was a good series of questions.

The Ten Questions

1. How reliable is the source of the claim?
2. Does the source make similar claims?
3. Have the claims been verified by somebody else?
4. Does this fit with the way the world works?
5. Has anyone tried to disprove the claim?
6. Where does the preponderance of evidence point?
7. Is the claimant playing by the rules of science?
8. Is the claimant providing positive evidence?
9. Does the new theory account for as many phenomena as the old theory?
10. Are personal beliefs driving the claim?

Exercise to burn fat

Apparently there is a lot of misinformation about exercise floating in the minds of people all around. No pain, no gain is the main mentality that people have when it comes to fitness and health for their bodies. In fact, I have the idea that if I want to burn fat from my body, I have to go thru the painful process of exercising at least twice a week, huffing and puffing away.

Then, I started reading some websites regarding exercise, like here, here, and here, and found that many of us, thinking the “no pain, no gain” slogan will help us lose weight. In reality, it should be a “no pain, no pain” situation that will help burn fat.

It seems like aerobic activity occurs when your heart rate is 40% to 80% your maximum heart rate (MHR). The activity should allow you to not leave you gasping for air, rather you should only just be slightly out of breath. I guess it is the “just out of breath that you can talk, but cannot sing” while doing the activity. This also means that the activity can be prolonged to hours and hours.

Now, when I think of exercise, the paragraph above sounds like ’slacking’ rather than exercise. And apparently, this is aerobic exercise. Maybe that is why when I was stressed, I lost a lot of weight (also because I do not binge eat when stressed, of which I ate normally).

Truth or Fiction? Tell me what you think.

Differentiation

There is so many things that we have to learn to differentiate from.

Maybe, I shall make it more personal, and say that I need to learn a lot.

There is a huge difference between ‘obedience’ and ’submission’. I normally associate both together, that is, if I obey, it means that I am submissive, and vice versa. Often it has been articulated to me that you can obey unsubmissively, and disobey submissively.

So as I begin to differentiate the two, I also differentiate the beliefs that are held by the definitions of these two different words.

being hectic

I’ve been busy. Taking a bunch of CDs out of my huge collection. Re-listening to a lot of the CDs. I realize that a lot of the CDs that had a lot of hype and was intensely fast, are the ones that I may tend to discard now. They seem to have lost their lustre.

The interesting album that I am keeping is Eric Clapton’s There’s One In Every Crowd. Why? This album has sound almost tired and bored, but now I feel like it really is enjoyable. The album sounds so relaxed, chilled, maybe even depressing, but it could fit my mood, and I can really enjoy it. Is this the sign of age? But I still like Stevie Ray Vaughn’s Texas Flood, and I did discard, Clapton’s later releases.

Right now, I am listening to Elton John’s greatest hits, wondering if I should keep this 2 CD collection, for Daniel, Your Song, Blue Eyes, Someone Saved My Life Tonight, and my favourite Philadelphia Freedom.

Or maybe I should just rip it and send to another friend who might like to keep it. Elton John’s piano playing and arrangements of his music, makes his music quite grand, but not towards the formal. There is that connection he still has, that personal part.

Tomorrow, I have to check the banks for loans. To see if they can finance my collection of rare CD collection, that I have stored in Sweden. (It’s there, but I have to transport them here, sigh.)