Learned behaviours

It is interesting to check out personality profiling tests. Recently I did a standard DISC questionaire, which was quite weird, because they wanted to set the setting of the tests as being in the work place, yet they would only give us 7 minutes to complete it. My mind does not allow such flexibility, to be in a courtyard doing this test and thinking of how I am at work.

In any case, the results came out as an improvement from my previous tests. I was a (I)nfluential, (C)onscientious, and (S)teady, while my (D)ominant has moved closer to the median line. But this is not what or who I am, it just an indication of where I am at this point.

Another interesting personality profiling test is the famed Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), you can wiki it and find more about it, but in a gist, they have:
(E)xtravert vs. (I)ntrovert – which tells us where we draw our energies from
(S)ensing vs. I(N)tuition – which tells us how we gather information.
(T)hinking vs. (F)eeling – which tells us which mode of information processing we normally use to make decisions.
(J)udgement vs. (P)erception – which tells us something how we perceive the world, do we generally need structure or can we create structure out of chaos… okay, the explanation may not be so accurate (in any case, wiki it).

So apparently, I have quite a few learned behaviours, because I know how I am, but I behave in a different manner. That is to say, that my preference (strong preference, by the way) tells me that I am a NTJ, however, I have began to learn (S)ensing and (F)eeling a lot more. Also, I realize that I am naturally not a (J)udging, I am more a (P)erception-type person. I believe it is the conditioning of society that has caused me to present more (J)udgement.

Strangely, all these personality type indicate something how we relate, learn, and behave in this world. Will blog more about these as I understand them.

Appreciating self

Stress and mental pressure, together with physical exhaustion, can yield the real person. Recently, I was put to such a test, and I gladly received this test. I saw me for real, and I’ve had some interesting observations.

When purpose is clear in my mind, my mind never falters in its cognitive and analytical abilities. I also noticed that my mind is very clear on what needs to be done, and I am always on my toes in making decisions.

On more good points, I am not afraid to voice out my opinions and thoughts. Basically, I am very very honest about how I feel and am not afraid to express them. Also, I am a natural leader, I allow others to lead when they are confident, and step up to the role when no one takes it up. I can make decisions quickly, as long as information is not muddled up because of poor communication.

I find that I am also very supportive of team mates, and do strive to not cause dissension in the ranks of other teams, but instead, work towards a greater goal. I quite like this part of myself.

So yes, I appreciate that I do have these qualities, and quite frankly, I am rather impressed with myself.

Now, here comes the punch in appreciating self. I do realize that in my most natural state, I can still be somewhat immature. I would respond to taunts and snide remarks in the same manner that it is given.

On top of that, respect seems to be an important virtue for me. If there were external forces working against the team, it would be my natural tendency to retaliate against them like they are the enemy. If they were an enemy worth respecting, then retaliation would not be a response.

Having said all these, I think it is important for me to address these ‘issues’. You might think that there is nothing wrong, but I say there is. To deal with problems, we have to look at the problem at the higher level (sometimes, seen as the root of the problem) and address it. Sinking to the level it presents itself is usually hardly useful.

I appreciate myself for who I am.

Differentiation

There is so many things that we have to learn to differentiate from.

Maybe, I shall make it more personal, and say that I need to learn a lot.

There is a huge difference between ‘obedience’ and ’submission’. I normally associate both together, that is, if I obey, it means that I am submissive, and vice versa. Often it has been articulated to me that you can obey unsubmissively, and disobey submissively.

So as I begin to differentiate the two, I also differentiate the beliefs that are held by the definitions of these two different words.

reading a lot

I have stacked up a lot of books I want to read lately. Not sure if it is a good thing.

I managed to borrow Sam Gosling’s Snoop from the library. Best thing about the library when it comes to expensive books.

Reading about how we get to know one another. One researcher suggested that there were three levels of knowing someone. The first level consists of character/personality traits. The second level looks at goals, wants, values, themes of a person.

The last level is one that talks about the narrative of a person’s life, thus his core experiences will determine how he functions and who he defines himself out to be.

I define myself to be the scapegoat of groups. The clown of groups of friends. The unwanted personnel who happened to be there to lighten the mood. This has definitely impacted on to my self-esteem. It led me to think that I was dispensable, and not worth, therefore I come across to honest friends as someone who tries to impress.

Some self-disclosure from me. Interesting?

gut feeling

ugh.. eh…egad!

rejection of self

I have a difficulty accepting the person I am. I always think that I can be better than who I am now. And so I create this ideal ‘me’ and try to fulfill that. But the trying is so difficult.

Compliments and insults do not affect me so much, because I don’t trust what others say about me anyway. I mean, what do they know about my life, right?

So, I am unable to receive compliments and constructive feedback into my life, suddenly this ‘difficulty accepting who I am’ looks like the ole pride. In the past, people say that I am opinionated, but now, people say that I give valuable alternative perspectives. I guess the difference is that I present my opinions as possibilities, not as actual fact. So there is improvement in this area of my life. Not bad.

Another friend suggested that I may need to trust and have faith in the person who tells me these stuff. Which is an excellent suggestion, by the way. But the problem is, I don’t normally understand what they are saying, for example, if one of them says, “You are a very interactive and unconventional person, my time spent with you is always pretty crazy.”

And sure I understand that, but what does it really mean in my life? How do I accept this compliment? How do make this compliment/feedback impactful in my life? How do I make it a life-changing component?

Intellectually, I agree with the giver of the feedback, be it good or bad. However, in the heart, it is a different story, therefore no REAL change.

All seems futile doesn’t it? But I can re-examine how did become less opinionated, and see the processes between them and help me out. Maybe this will help.

me

I have lots to do. I have to fix all my dysfunctional guitar pedals. I think it is time to distribute them out. HA.

This is what I am about. Pushing boundaries, pushing limitations, this sometimes come across of me being harsh on others and even to myself (this might be a accurate description of myself, which may not be the only one).

I just love ideas. I love to develop them to try to get them into practical terms. I must admit that getting them practically in the world is not the easiest thing to do, and it is neither something that I can accomplish easily.

Heck, that is probably why I read so much, and talk to people so much. I am always curious of how people do things without my thought processes. Yes, I am pretty much egotistical as well.

When presented with a problem, I immediately dive headlong into it and start suggesting possible solutions. What I learn now is that, that is really not the best way to try something new. The best way to try something new is to ask questions on what has been done already, then from there, formulate a new way of doing things.

Stretch them, expand them, make the world a better place. Possible? Yes. Absolutely.